Question about teaching our children to share:
C: I don't know if this has been asked....advice on sharing? My 3.5 year old and 18 month old sharing toys can be a struggle, when friends are over or at play dates, at this age it is something I feel either I have to address or its addresses or not by other moms...learning the concept. Advice? An acquaintance said she doesn't teach/make her kids to share. I know I have seen several articles on both ends of the spectrum arguing both sides. Any advice/thoughts?
C: I think there is a big difference between sharing (finishing with your toy and then letting someone else use it) and making a child automatically give up his/her toy if someone else demands it. If my son demands a toy from another child, I don't WANT that child to give it to him. That teaches him he can get what he wants when he wants it. Waiting until the other is done teaches him patience and that someone has a right to use what they are using even if he wants it RIGHT NOW.
K Agreed! To the point of saying to the other mom "no please don't let her get it"
C: Yes, definitely!!
K: I like what these women have said. Totally agree. I lean toward when the child puts the toy down, then someone else can play with it. That's life...right? We wait our turn. I think it is always great to encourage my older one to GIVE the toy to someone else out of the goodness of his heart-when he is ready. I don’t love the whole "set the timer" philosophy and I don't love the whole "put the toy in time-out" philosophy unless two kids are literally pulling it back and forth or using it in the wrong fashion.
K: We talk about sharing more in the context of playing well with others - I ask my kids to share toys that can be jointly played with, like train sets or a kitchen - but don't in terms of smaller toys that their sibling just wants to have since they are playing with it. Those we "wait our turn" for because for me, demanding is neither kind nor good "playing well with others." Toys don't go in time out unless a tug of war ensues and I very, very rarely set a timer - only when one child is seriously hogging it or again, to mediate a tug of war. Same as everyone else has said once it's put down, it's fair game.
K: I like that use of two phrases!
E: I've been teaching my kids to say "when you are finished, may I please have a turn?" Both with each other and also with other kids. I think it not only helps the child wait patiently, but it also helps the other child to cue in that they are not the only one in the room (in other words, not keep hogging a toy) and encourages them to "set their own timer", if you will. If the child being asked says no, or continues to selfishly keep the toy to the point of frustrating the child who asked, I usually encourage them to just find a different toy to play with until they are done with the requested toy. Basically I try to intervene as little as possible, but am always looking for teaching/learning opportunities for practicing generosity.
C: I love that!!
C: I think there is a big difference between sharing (finishing with your toy and then letting someone else use it) and making a child automatically give up his/her toy if someone else demands it. If my son demands a toy from another child, I don't WANT that child to give it to him. That teaches him he can get what he wants when he wants it. Waiting until the other is done teaches him patience and that someone has a right to use what they are using even if he wants it RIGHT NOW.
K Agreed! To the point of saying to the other mom "no please don't let her get it"
C: Yes, definitely!!
K: I like what these women have said. Totally agree. I lean toward when the child puts the toy down, then someone else can play with it. That's life...right? We wait our turn. I think it is always great to encourage my older one to GIVE the toy to someone else out of the goodness of his heart-when he is ready. I don’t love the whole "set the timer" philosophy and I don't love the whole "put the toy in time-out" philosophy unless two kids are literally pulling it back and forth or using it in the wrong fashion.
K: We talk about sharing more in the context of playing well with others - I ask my kids to share toys that can be jointly played with, like train sets or a kitchen - but don't in terms of smaller toys that their sibling just wants to have since they are playing with it. Those we "wait our turn" for because for me, demanding is neither kind nor good "playing well with others." Toys don't go in time out unless a tug of war ensues and I very, very rarely set a timer - only when one child is seriously hogging it or again, to mediate a tug of war. Same as everyone else has said once it's put down, it's fair game.
K: I like that use of two phrases!
E: I've been teaching my kids to say "when you are finished, may I please have a turn?" Both with each other and also with other kids. I think it not only helps the child wait patiently, but it also helps the other child to cue in that they are not the only one in the room (in other words, not keep hogging a toy) and encourages them to "set their own timer", if you will. If the child being asked says no, or continues to selfishly keep the toy to the point of frustrating the child who asked, I usually encourage them to just find a different toy to play with until they are done with the requested toy. Basically I try to intervene as little as possible, but am always looking for teaching/learning opportunities for practicing generosity.
C: I love that!!