See the diagram for "The House of Training"
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Building a House of Training
The book of Proverbs contains many wise sayings about raising children. One popular one is Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” As we look at the meaning of the words in the original language (Hebrew) it helps us better understand the wisdom in the verse.
Train up – “the palate, the roof of the mouth, the gums.” In verb form it means breaking and bringing into submission a wild horse by a rope in the mouth. It is also used to describe a midwife, after delivery coating her finger with crushed dates and rubbing the gums and palate of the newborn to cause him to suck.
Two aspects of training:
1. To develop a thirst, a yearning for God through the teaching of God’s word and by setting a godly example. (Deuteronomy 6:1-9)
Psalm 34:8 “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!”
Psalm 63:1 “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”
Psalm 119:103 “How sweet are your words to my taste,
sweeter than honey to my mouth!”
2. To teach him to be submissive and respectful to parents, elders, authority and God by conditioning him to be sensitive to the consequences of disobedience.
Psalm 32:7-8 “You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.”
Proverbs 19:18 “Discipline your son while there is hope,
And do not desire his death.”
Proverbs 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest;
he will give delight to your heart.”
Child - yuled – one begotten or born, all the years from birth until a child leaves home. 1 Samuel 4:21- refers to newborn. 1 Samuel 1:27 – refers to young boy. Genesis 21:16 - refers to preteen. Genesis 34:19 - refers to a young man ready for marriage.
Way he should go – Literally is “according to his way”.
Way derekh - this noun is derived from darak, to tread. It means “a going, walk, journey; way, path, road; mode, manner, course, way of life, lot in life, worship.” The root word darak is the same word used when describing to bend a bow.
The word picture is that of how the bow is bent. It is the idea that God has established a set of characteristics in our child and it is our responsibility to know the way God has made our child and train him accordingly.
Old - hair on the chin, as he comes to maturity, puberty.
Will not depart from it – In the Hebrew this reads more like “may or may not depart from it.” It is not a promise but a probability of not turning from it.
So as we look at this verse what we see is encouragement for the parent to “Train up (both developing a thirst for God and restraining in a way that causes him to be submissive) a child at all ages of his childhood according to the way he is bent and when he comes to maturity he probably won’t turn away from that training.”
Why is knowing our child foundational to the rest of the training process?
Look at the following thoughts:
Love without discipline = selfish, spoiled child
Teaching without example = bitterness
Discipline without love = discouragement
Example without teaching = insecurity
The book of Proverbs contains many wise sayings about raising children. One popular one is Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” As we look at the meaning of the words in the original language (Hebrew) it helps us better understand the wisdom in the verse.
Train up – “the palate, the roof of the mouth, the gums.” In verb form it means breaking and bringing into submission a wild horse by a rope in the mouth. It is also used to describe a midwife, after delivery coating her finger with crushed dates and rubbing the gums and palate of the newborn to cause him to suck.
Two aspects of training:
1. To develop a thirst, a yearning for God through the teaching of God’s word and by setting a godly example. (Deuteronomy 6:1-9)
Psalm 34:8 “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!”
Psalm 63:1 “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”
Psalm 119:103 “How sweet are your words to my taste,
sweeter than honey to my mouth!”
2. To teach him to be submissive and respectful to parents, elders, authority and God by conditioning him to be sensitive to the consequences of disobedience.
Psalm 32:7-8 “You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.”
Proverbs 19:18 “Discipline your son while there is hope,
And do not desire his death.”
Proverbs 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest;
he will give delight to your heart.”
Child - yuled – one begotten or born, all the years from birth until a child leaves home. 1 Samuel 4:21- refers to newborn. 1 Samuel 1:27 – refers to young boy. Genesis 21:16 - refers to preteen. Genesis 34:19 - refers to a young man ready for marriage.
Way he should go – Literally is “according to his way”.
Way derekh - this noun is derived from darak, to tread. It means “a going, walk, journey; way, path, road; mode, manner, course, way of life, lot in life, worship.” The root word darak is the same word used when describing to bend a bow.
The word picture is that of how the bow is bent. It is the idea that God has established a set of characteristics in our child and it is our responsibility to know the way God has made our child and train him accordingly.
Old - hair on the chin, as he comes to maturity, puberty.
Will not depart from it – In the Hebrew this reads more like “may or may not depart from it.” It is not a promise but a probability of not turning from it.
So as we look at this verse what we see is encouragement for the parent to “Train up (both developing a thirst for God and restraining in a way that causes him to be submissive) a child at all ages of his childhood according to the way he is bent and when he comes to maturity he probably won’t turn away from that training.”
Why is knowing our child foundational to the rest of the training process?
Look at the following thoughts:
Love without discipline = selfish, spoiled child
Teaching without example = bitterness
Discipline without love = discouragement
Example without teaching = insecurity
Finding Our Child's "Bent" by Dick McCrillis
“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
One of the things on which Verna and I continually marveled while we were raising our five kids was just how different each of them are, and still are as young adults. Any number of pop psychology books will give you a simple answer- take “birth order” for example- but the fact remains that they are different for the simple reason that God just made them that way. Fortunately for us as parents, He also gives us a clue on how to deal with those differences.
The verse quoted above is quite well-known in child training circles and is generally thought to mean that when a child is fully inculcated with the Godly life, he will stick with it. Up to a point this is true but there is a more subtle interpretation that gets closer to the heart of the child-raising matter: your child’s “bent.”
“… in the way he should go” in the original language comes out as “according to his bent,” a reference to an archer’s bow, of all things. This makes sense if you consider what it takes to make a bow, namely selecting a strong and flexible wood and then studying the pattern of the grain to determine the optimum way to shape the bow and set up the nock. There are many ways to cut and form a bow but there is only one way to form the best bow, one that- when bent for shooting- uses all the natural strength and flexibility of the wood and will remain resilient after repeated usage. To find that future bow’s “bent” requires general knowledge of the latent characteristics of the wood plus careful and specific study of the particular sample.
In the context of raising children we are being admonished to study our children and get an accurate understanding of their God-given “bents” before we set out on the path of training and discipline. Once we know who they are we can train them up in ways that strengthen and reinforce their natural God-given characters and when they are old they may not depart from that training.
Inspired by You and Your Child by Charles Swindoll. Read this book for more thoughts and encouragement for knowing your child.
One of the things on which Verna and I continually marveled while we were raising our five kids was just how different each of them are, and still are as young adults. Any number of pop psychology books will give you a simple answer- take “birth order” for example- but the fact remains that they are different for the simple reason that God just made them that way. Fortunately for us as parents, He also gives us a clue on how to deal with those differences.
The verse quoted above is quite well-known in child training circles and is generally thought to mean that when a child is fully inculcated with the Godly life, he will stick with it. Up to a point this is true but there is a more subtle interpretation that gets closer to the heart of the child-raising matter: your child’s “bent.”
“… in the way he should go” in the original language comes out as “according to his bent,” a reference to an archer’s bow, of all things. This makes sense if you consider what it takes to make a bow, namely selecting a strong and flexible wood and then studying the pattern of the grain to determine the optimum way to shape the bow and set up the nock. There are many ways to cut and form a bow but there is only one way to form the best bow, one that- when bent for shooting- uses all the natural strength and flexibility of the wood and will remain resilient after repeated usage. To find that future bow’s “bent” requires general knowledge of the latent characteristics of the wood plus careful and specific study of the particular sample.
In the context of raising children we are being admonished to study our children and get an accurate understanding of their God-given “bents” before we set out on the path of training and discipline. Once we know who they are we can train them up in ways that strengthen and reinforce their natural God-given characters and when they are old they may not depart from that training.
- Look for patterns as they emerge over time
- Accept their "bent"
- Encourage them in a way they can receive it.
Inspired by You and Your Child by Charles Swindoll. Read this book for more thoughts and encouragement for knowing your child.
"The words “I love you” should never be underestimated, but every human being has a few words that make her soul come alive …. that bring acceptance to his uncertain heart … that help them rise when they fall.
Discover what those words are by watching—what makes him smile? What makes her shine? What adds a spring to their step?
Commit those soul-building words to memory and say them, say them as often as you can
So that one day, you are no longer needed to hear them.
The Hands Free Revolution
“I will wait for you.”
“Take your time.”
“You make my day better.”
I say those words to my slow-moving, happy-go-lucky, Noticer of life child.
I watch as grateful eyes light up and tiny shoulders relax.
Those words are soul-building words to her.
“Mistakes mean you are learning.”
“It doesn’t have to be perfect.”
“Okay, you can have a few more minutes to work on your project.”
I say those words to my driven, contentious planner and pursuer of dreams child.
I watch as pressure escapes from her chest and aspirations soar higher.
Those words are confidence-boosting words to her.
“I appreciate you.”
“I’m listening.”
“You matter.”
I say those words to my hard-working, often under-appreciated love of my life.
I watch as tensions loosen, eyes meet, and conversation comes easier.
Those words are affirming and connective words to him.
“It’s good enough for today.”
“Be kind to yourself.”
“Today isn’t over—there’s still time to turn it around.”
I say those words to my own perfection-seeking, worrisome heart.
I watch as my clenched hands open and tears fall as scars come to the surface.
Those are healing, hope-filled words to me."
© Rachel Macy Stafford 2014
Other ways to encourage and love each child specifically: Understanding the Enneagram
http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/practical.asp#parenting
http://drdaviddaniels.com/articles/typing-and-children/
http://www.netplaces.com/enneagram/the-enneatypes-at-home/
Discover what those words are by watching—what makes him smile? What makes her shine? What adds a spring to their step?
Commit those soul-building words to memory and say them, say them as often as you can
So that one day, you are no longer needed to hear them.
The Hands Free Revolution
“I will wait for you.”
“Take your time.”
“You make my day better.”
I say those words to my slow-moving, happy-go-lucky, Noticer of life child.
I watch as grateful eyes light up and tiny shoulders relax.
Those words are soul-building words to her.
“Mistakes mean you are learning.”
“It doesn’t have to be perfect.”
“Okay, you can have a few more minutes to work on your project.”
I say those words to my driven, contentious planner and pursuer of dreams child.
I watch as pressure escapes from her chest and aspirations soar higher.
Those words are confidence-boosting words to her.
“I appreciate you.”
“I’m listening.”
“You matter.”
I say those words to my hard-working, often under-appreciated love of my life.
I watch as tensions loosen, eyes meet, and conversation comes easier.
Those words are affirming and connective words to him.
“It’s good enough for today.”
“Be kind to yourself.”
“Today isn’t over—there’s still time to turn it around.”
I say those words to my own perfection-seeking, worrisome heart.
I watch as my clenched hands open and tears fall as scars come to the surface.
Those are healing, hope-filled words to me."
© Rachel Macy Stafford 2014
Other ways to encourage and love each child specifically: Understanding the Enneagram
http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/practical.asp#parenting
http://drdaviddaniels.com/articles/typing-and-children/
http://www.netplaces.com/enneagram/the-enneatypes-at-home/