Ellen's help for those pregnant with twins...
rSo as a disclaimer, I am 33 weeks pregnant with boy/ girl twins. I have a lot of ideas but a lot of them have not been put into practice yet, but a lot of what I will tell you comes from other moms of twins and at least my experience with this pregnancy. Every pregnancy is different, but I will tell you about mine.
-First of all, I highly suggest buying or borrowing from the library What to Expect when you are Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads. It is written by a doctor who runs a multiples clinic and another woman who has her PhD in multiples research. I just recently got it from the library and really wish that I had had it my whole pregnancy. It is really validating and gives a lot of tips as far as rest, eating, and weight gain. Bottom line is: twins is a high risk pregnancy and is different that a caring one baby. It was good for me to hear through this book that I need to rest and eat a lot and if I don't, I am much higher risk for pre-term labor.
-Appointments: I see one practice for OB and then I also see a high risk doctor. So I have all of my ultrasounds with the high risk doctor, and then a little meeting with her about the ultrasound. This means that I have twice as many appointments as the average pregnant person.
-Pregnancy and symptoms: As my high risk MD says, everything is exaggerated with twins. I have 2 placentas, so twice as many hormones and twice as many people to feed and and care for. My first trimester was pretty rough with morning sickness, and I felt like I went from that to the third trimester-I'm huge-beached whale stage. I am so hungry all of the time (my doctor says to eat 6 small meals a day) and it is really tricky to figure out how to get all of the calories in a small stomach while still attempting to maintain a healthy diet. (I confess to eating A LOT of ice cream.) There is not a lot of room in there! I also have to pee ALL the time- I mean like once an hour now. I wake up multiple times every night to pee and have to have a snack at least one of those times. This has been going on for the past 6 months...so I am pretty used to it and I feel like it is good preparation for being a new mom. My midnight snack is a glass of whole milk as it is healthy, high calorie, and easy to back to sleep after that. 1st trimester I ate a lot of goldfish in the middle of the night. Also, now that I am not working, I am sleeping a ton. I know that this is helping the babies stay in my as long as possible! I have been growing so quickly for a long time that there are lots of aches and pain esp. in my back and belly. I see a chiropractor which REALLY helps, and I have also been getting regular massages in her office. Those are covered under and HSA if you or your husband has one.
-Quit working as early as you can: I think that the book suggests stopping at 24-26 weeks- which seems really early to me but it might depend on what you do and how active your job is. I was able to go part time at my work around that time 4 days a week in Oct. and 3 days a week in November, and I am SO grateful that I did that. My job had some walking and standing, not super physical, but I honestly think that mental stress was a little too much for me. Baby brain is a real thing, and I have felt like it has gotten worse as my pregnancy has progressed. Some of it is that my mind and my heart are really focused on preparing for this big change in our family, so it is hard to focus on work, but some of it was really difficult to multi-task and process on that high a level. Five days prior to my planned leave work day, I started to have a lot of contractions. It is normal to have Braxton-Hicks contractions later in pregnancy but my doctor told me to call if I ever had more that 4 in an hour. Long story short, I ended up being monitored on the OB floor for a couple hours and being told that I wasn't allowed to go back to work, which was such a relief to me. That said, I would def. plan on quitting work as early as you can- if I had stopped earlier that probably wouldn't have happened...
-Exercise- I used to be a very active person, and everywhere it talks about pregnancy, it says that you should continue to exercise at a low level. I would just follow what your MDs say on this one. They told me that swimming, walking, stretching, and pilates type stuff is ok, but that I wasn't allowed to do anything exertional. The last time that I went swimming was about a month and a half ago and I had a lot of contractions in the pool, so I decided no more swimming for me. I found some really good pre-natal pilates on youtube- search for Erica Ziel or Knocked Up Fitness- there are several live 20 min videos that were perfect for me. I did these up to a couple weeks ago, but have been told that I am not allowed to exercise now. It is just funny how minimal exertion makes me feel so short of breath. These babies are really pressing on my diaphragm and inhibiting my ability to breath. Also, your blood supply almost doubles so you need a lot more oxygen than you usually would. I get short of breath even talking sometimes. The pilates and stretches really help with my back pain, so I continue to do light stretching but nothing that I would consider exercise.
-Pre-term labor: Twins are considered full term at 36 weeks gestation, and if I haven't delivered by 38 weeks, my doctors would like to induce me as there is a higher rate of still births after 38 weeks for twins. However, your technical due date on all of your paperwork is still 40 weeks, which I find frustrating, since I will for sure have these babies by 38 weeks. 50% of twins are born prior to 37 weeks, so you are much higher risk for preterm labor than if you were pregnant with one baby.
-Delivery: I am not sure what your thoughts are on epidurals, C-sections, and natural childbirth, but I really wanted to have have a midwife and have a natural childbirth. However, at the practice that I choose, the midwives do not deliver twins. They have told me that they will let me try to deliver them if baby A (the baby closest to the cervix) is head down and as big or bigger than baby B, which is the case right now. My baby B is breech (butt down) but they tell me that she can still flip at this point and often after baby A comes out that baby B will change position as there is a lot more space. My doctors are comfortable delivering her breech if necessary, since we know that there would be enough room for her to come out b/c baby A will have paved the way. They tell me that I am allowed to labor in the labor room but once I start pushing, they will move my bed to the OR "just in case." Apparently about 5-10% of of baby Bs have to be delivered by C section even if baby A came out fine. I would just make sure that you bring a list of questions with you to every appt and see the policy with your doctors. They also want me to have an epidural "just in case" of C-section. I am not too excited about this but the compromise is that they could have the epidural in place and just run saline in it and then can run medication in it later if I need it. If you don't want an epidural, this might be an option for you, but ask about it.
-Feelings: I talked to a friend whose twins are over a year old and she said that she felt very misunderstood when she was pregnant. I can really relate to that. You are more fragile when pregnant with multiples and people (friends and strangers) don't really know what to do with that. Twins were a shock to you, but it is also shock also to eveyone that you meet. I have really had to pray for patience for when I go out these days. Last week, I had the doctor measure me just for my own validation, as the measurement doesn't mean anything with twins, but at 32 weeks I was measuring 40-41 weeks for a singleton. Meaning, most mothers of singletons don't get bigger that I am right now and I have a month+ to go assuming that they don't come pre-term. So for the past couple weeks I have had the same conversation with strangers over the over again, asking when I am due and me not being sure what to say (do you give them the 38 week date or the 40 week date? or the twins usually come really early so I am not sure when they will be born date?) and I have chosen recently to say "around Christmas," which will sometimes end the conversation. Often though the conversation continues with asking about gender- and then we have to have the twins conversation. People are usually shocked and sometimes have a very negative reaction, which is so not helpful. Often people will ask when I am due and imply that I might be having the baby any day- and then we have the twins conversation and they says "you are not that big for twins" which really rubs me the wrong way. First of all, I feel huge and they just took away their sympathy- and second of all- how big am I supposed to be? What do they imagine a mom of twins to look like? My babies are growing fine and I am measuring like I am post-term- so technically I am big, but everyone carries their babies differently. I think that people just don't know what to say and want to make conversation. I know that I have said many insensitive things to pregnant women and after this pregnancy, I hope that I will be a little more sensitive.
Something that has been a little helpful to me is that I joined a local "moms of multiples" group. I don't know if I will stay in it (the first 3 months are free), but again, it is very validating to talk to other moms of twins (one who had previous children but who felt that this pregnancy was very different and that it is "kicking her butt"). I have only been to one meeting, but there is a forum online and lots of people to ask questions to and it really nice to know that you are not alone in this experience and even that having twins is not "uncharted territory" as Kristen would say.
-Products: This was my big question in the beginning- which things do you need 2 of??? So we decided on 2 cribs- there is a debate as to whether they can sleep in the same crib or not, but most people say at least until they start rolling over it is ok- they are all snuggled close inside of you anyway, so that is what they are used to. However, they would outgrow on crib pretty quickly. Another option is 2 minicribs, but we decided that we wanted them to be able to sleep in their cribs for a couple years and they would likely quickly outgrow the minicribs. Depends on your space...my friend with twins told me that you should have 2 pack 'n' plays definitely, but I only have one now and am planning to buy another one used if I find it necessary. I also have 2 infant seats to set them in (actually a gift from my friend with twins), which I think is pretty necessary. We opted to not get swings or other large baby devices b/c our house is really small but again, some of that depends on your space. My friend with twins said that they bought 2 ergo carriers but NEVER used them. I was really excited about the whole baby wearing thing but it sounds difficult with 2. We have one moby wrap that will hold both of them (I am told) until they are 6 weeks old. Again, we are going to play this by ear and buy used if we think that they would be helpful. Obviously you will need double the diapers (email me if you want to talk cloth diapers) and double the clothes, but if they are the same gender, they could share clothes. That is not really an option with us. You will need crib sheets double blankets and towels as well, 2 car seats, 2 crib mattresses. I was given lots of blankets and towels at baby showers, so don't worry about buying those. In fact, you will be surprised how generous people are, and I would wait to buy most things until after your baby shower(s). I think everyone gave us a gift for each child, which was so sweet, and between returns and gifts, I was able to get both the car seats and the mattresses completely covered, which I was so grateful for. My parents very kindly bought the us the stroller. There are not a ton of options for twins strollers, the one that we went with was City Select- it is like a stadium kind of seating which makes it a little less large and can fit through doorways and such. It is also a jogging stroller, nice to have everything in one stroller as we again don't have that much space for large items like this. It comes with seats but they can be snapped off to put the car seats on for when they are little and can't sit up.
Another thing: everyone with twins highly recommends tandem breastfeeding on a schedule, letting the hungrier twin drive the schedule. Everyone also recommends this breast feeding pillow called "my brest friend" (totally awful name). They aren't cheap, so register for it and hopefully someone will give it to you. Or the check with your multiples group. Mine loans them out for free or you might be able to buy one off of someone.
Also recommended is a app or some very organized way to keep track of their diapers and feedings. Android: baby ESP works well for multiples, iphone: total baby I have heard is really good for multiples too.
I am not sure where you are spiritually, but I read a verse in Psalms the other day that was really comforting: it said that God's understanding is infinite. Even if no one understands how I feel physically or emotionally right now, God understands what it is like to be pregnant with twins, He knows my discomfort and my feelings of helplessness right now. And He will be there when I am up in the middle of the night with them. As much as I don't like being pregnant, it really is a gift to be entrusted with 2 babies. The best part is feeling them move and knowing that I am just a vessel for God's work. I am not forming their organs or their minds or their personalities, but God is! He is doing a great job too even though I can't see it.
-First of all, I highly suggest buying or borrowing from the library What to Expect when you are Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads. It is written by a doctor who runs a multiples clinic and another woman who has her PhD in multiples research. I just recently got it from the library and really wish that I had had it my whole pregnancy. It is really validating and gives a lot of tips as far as rest, eating, and weight gain. Bottom line is: twins is a high risk pregnancy and is different that a caring one baby. It was good for me to hear through this book that I need to rest and eat a lot and if I don't, I am much higher risk for pre-term labor.
-Appointments: I see one practice for OB and then I also see a high risk doctor. So I have all of my ultrasounds with the high risk doctor, and then a little meeting with her about the ultrasound. This means that I have twice as many appointments as the average pregnant person.
-Pregnancy and symptoms: As my high risk MD says, everything is exaggerated with twins. I have 2 placentas, so twice as many hormones and twice as many people to feed and and care for. My first trimester was pretty rough with morning sickness, and I felt like I went from that to the third trimester-I'm huge-beached whale stage. I am so hungry all of the time (my doctor says to eat 6 small meals a day) and it is really tricky to figure out how to get all of the calories in a small stomach while still attempting to maintain a healthy diet. (I confess to eating A LOT of ice cream.) There is not a lot of room in there! I also have to pee ALL the time- I mean like once an hour now. I wake up multiple times every night to pee and have to have a snack at least one of those times. This has been going on for the past 6 months...so I am pretty used to it and I feel like it is good preparation for being a new mom. My midnight snack is a glass of whole milk as it is healthy, high calorie, and easy to back to sleep after that. 1st trimester I ate a lot of goldfish in the middle of the night. Also, now that I am not working, I am sleeping a ton. I know that this is helping the babies stay in my as long as possible! I have been growing so quickly for a long time that there are lots of aches and pain esp. in my back and belly. I see a chiropractor which REALLY helps, and I have also been getting regular massages in her office. Those are covered under and HSA if you or your husband has one.
-Quit working as early as you can: I think that the book suggests stopping at 24-26 weeks- which seems really early to me but it might depend on what you do and how active your job is. I was able to go part time at my work around that time 4 days a week in Oct. and 3 days a week in November, and I am SO grateful that I did that. My job had some walking and standing, not super physical, but I honestly think that mental stress was a little too much for me. Baby brain is a real thing, and I have felt like it has gotten worse as my pregnancy has progressed. Some of it is that my mind and my heart are really focused on preparing for this big change in our family, so it is hard to focus on work, but some of it was really difficult to multi-task and process on that high a level. Five days prior to my planned leave work day, I started to have a lot of contractions. It is normal to have Braxton-Hicks contractions later in pregnancy but my doctor told me to call if I ever had more that 4 in an hour. Long story short, I ended up being monitored on the OB floor for a couple hours and being told that I wasn't allowed to go back to work, which was such a relief to me. That said, I would def. plan on quitting work as early as you can- if I had stopped earlier that probably wouldn't have happened...
-Exercise- I used to be a very active person, and everywhere it talks about pregnancy, it says that you should continue to exercise at a low level. I would just follow what your MDs say on this one. They told me that swimming, walking, stretching, and pilates type stuff is ok, but that I wasn't allowed to do anything exertional. The last time that I went swimming was about a month and a half ago and I had a lot of contractions in the pool, so I decided no more swimming for me. I found some really good pre-natal pilates on youtube- search for Erica Ziel or Knocked Up Fitness- there are several live 20 min videos that were perfect for me. I did these up to a couple weeks ago, but have been told that I am not allowed to exercise now. It is just funny how minimal exertion makes me feel so short of breath. These babies are really pressing on my diaphragm and inhibiting my ability to breath. Also, your blood supply almost doubles so you need a lot more oxygen than you usually would. I get short of breath even talking sometimes. The pilates and stretches really help with my back pain, so I continue to do light stretching but nothing that I would consider exercise.
-Pre-term labor: Twins are considered full term at 36 weeks gestation, and if I haven't delivered by 38 weeks, my doctors would like to induce me as there is a higher rate of still births after 38 weeks for twins. However, your technical due date on all of your paperwork is still 40 weeks, which I find frustrating, since I will for sure have these babies by 38 weeks. 50% of twins are born prior to 37 weeks, so you are much higher risk for preterm labor than if you were pregnant with one baby.
-Delivery: I am not sure what your thoughts are on epidurals, C-sections, and natural childbirth, but I really wanted to have have a midwife and have a natural childbirth. However, at the practice that I choose, the midwives do not deliver twins. They have told me that they will let me try to deliver them if baby A (the baby closest to the cervix) is head down and as big or bigger than baby B, which is the case right now. My baby B is breech (butt down) but they tell me that she can still flip at this point and often after baby A comes out that baby B will change position as there is a lot more space. My doctors are comfortable delivering her breech if necessary, since we know that there would be enough room for her to come out b/c baby A will have paved the way. They tell me that I am allowed to labor in the labor room but once I start pushing, they will move my bed to the OR "just in case." Apparently about 5-10% of of baby Bs have to be delivered by C section even if baby A came out fine. I would just make sure that you bring a list of questions with you to every appt and see the policy with your doctors. They also want me to have an epidural "just in case" of C-section. I am not too excited about this but the compromise is that they could have the epidural in place and just run saline in it and then can run medication in it later if I need it. If you don't want an epidural, this might be an option for you, but ask about it.
-Feelings: I talked to a friend whose twins are over a year old and she said that she felt very misunderstood when she was pregnant. I can really relate to that. You are more fragile when pregnant with multiples and people (friends and strangers) don't really know what to do with that. Twins were a shock to you, but it is also shock also to eveyone that you meet. I have really had to pray for patience for when I go out these days. Last week, I had the doctor measure me just for my own validation, as the measurement doesn't mean anything with twins, but at 32 weeks I was measuring 40-41 weeks for a singleton. Meaning, most mothers of singletons don't get bigger that I am right now and I have a month+ to go assuming that they don't come pre-term. So for the past couple weeks I have had the same conversation with strangers over the over again, asking when I am due and me not being sure what to say (do you give them the 38 week date or the 40 week date? or the twins usually come really early so I am not sure when they will be born date?) and I have chosen recently to say "around Christmas," which will sometimes end the conversation. Often though the conversation continues with asking about gender- and then we have to have the twins conversation. People are usually shocked and sometimes have a very negative reaction, which is so not helpful. Often people will ask when I am due and imply that I might be having the baby any day- and then we have the twins conversation and they says "you are not that big for twins" which really rubs me the wrong way. First of all, I feel huge and they just took away their sympathy- and second of all- how big am I supposed to be? What do they imagine a mom of twins to look like? My babies are growing fine and I am measuring like I am post-term- so technically I am big, but everyone carries their babies differently. I think that people just don't know what to say and want to make conversation. I know that I have said many insensitive things to pregnant women and after this pregnancy, I hope that I will be a little more sensitive.
Something that has been a little helpful to me is that I joined a local "moms of multiples" group. I don't know if I will stay in it (the first 3 months are free), but again, it is very validating to talk to other moms of twins (one who had previous children but who felt that this pregnancy was very different and that it is "kicking her butt"). I have only been to one meeting, but there is a forum online and lots of people to ask questions to and it really nice to know that you are not alone in this experience and even that having twins is not "uncharted territory" as Kristen would say.
-Products: This was my big question in the beginning- which things do you need 2 of??? So we decided on 2 cribs- there is a debate as to whether they can sleep in the same crib or not, but most people say at least until they start rolling over it is ok- they are all snuggled close inside of you anyway, so that is what they are used to. However, they would outgrow on crib pretty quickly. Another option is 2 minicribs, but we decided that we wanted them to be able to sleep in their cribs for a couple years and they would likely quickly outgrow the minicribs. Depends on your space...my friend with twins told me that you should have 2 pack 'n' plays definitely, but I only have one now and am planning to buy another one used if I find it necessary. I also have 2 infant seats to set them in (actually a gift from my friend with twins), which I think is pretty necessary. We opted to not get swings or other large baby devices b/c our house is really small but again, some of that depends on your space. My friend with twins said that they bought 2 ergo carriers but NEVER used them. I was really excited about the whole baby wearing thing but it sounds difficult with 2. We have one moby wrap that will hold both of them (I am told) until they are 6 weeks old. Again, we are going to play this by ear and buy used if we think that they would be helpful. Obviously you will need double the diapers (email me if you want to talk cloth diapers) and double the clothes, but if they are the same gender, they could share clothes. That is not really an option with us. You will need crib sheets double blankets and towels as well, 2 car seats, 2 crib mattresses. I was given lots of blankets and towels at baby showers, so don't worry about buying those. In fact, you will be surprised how generous people are, and I would wait to buy most things until after your baby shower(s). I think everyone gave us a gift for each child, which was so sweet, and between returns and gifts, I was able to get both the car seats and the mattresses completely covered, which I was so grateful for. My parents very kindly bought the us the stroller. There are not a ton of options for twins strollers, the one that we went with was City Select- it is like a stadium kind of seating which makes it a little less large and can fit through doorways and such. It is also a jogging stroller, nice to have everything in one stroller as we again don't have that much space for large items like this. It comes with seats but they can be snapped off to put the car seats on for when they are little and can't sit up.
Another thing: everyone with twins highly recommends tandem breastfeeding on a schedule, letting the hungrier twin drive the schedule. Everyone also recommends this breast feeding pillow called "my brest friend" (totally awful name). They aren't cheap, so register for it and hopefully someone will give it to you. Or the check with your multiples group. Mine loans them out for free or you might be able to buy one off of someone.
Also recommended is a app or some very organized way to keep track of their diapers and feedings. Android: baby ESP works well for multiples, iphone: total baby I have heard is really good for multiples too.
I am not sure where you are spiritually, but I read a verse in Psalms the other day that was really comforting: it said that God's understanding is infinite. Even if no one understands how I feel physically or emotionally right now, God understands what it is like to be pregnant with twins, He knows my discomfort and my feelings of helplessness right now. And He will be there when I am up in the middle of the night with them. As much as I don't like being pregnant, it really is a gift to be entrusted with 2 babies. The best part is feeling them move and knowing that I am just a vessel for God's work. I am not forming their organs or their minds or their personalities, but God is! He is doing a great job too even though I can't see it.